An Ocean of Compassion

None of us have all the spiritual gifts. Through our baptism, we each our given some. One that I lack is mercy. My husband has a lot of mercy. I do not. Yet all Christians are called to be merciful. Romans 12:15 says, “Be happy with those who are happy, and cry with those who are crying.”

The question then is how do I do that if I don’t have the gift of mercy? Well, you intentionally practice empathy. Empathy is simply putting yourself in the shoes of others. To do that you must learn to stop talking and begin to truly listen to another person. If you are a knower, and yes you know what I mean, you need to reshape your thinking to be a learner.

As you begin to intentionally listen, you must push down your judgmental thoughts. People are smart and if you are not careful, your judgmental side will inflict personal shame on the person you are listening to. You must also try to understand the person’s feelings and then communicate your understanding to them. Just being silent can also make them feel judged. Listen with a balanced approach and set aside your judgment.

Finally, be mindful of what can block your empathy. Surprisingly, expressing sympathy is the first thing that blocks empathy. The reason is you are feeling bad for someone, not with them. They need your companionship far more than your sad feelings. We also often make negative comments that we have maybe heard our whole life without understanding their impact.

Questions like, “What were you thinking?” Erase that question from your vocabulary. It never helps. Diminishing their feelings by telling them, “It is not so bad” is also so much more destructive than we ever intend. We feel like those words will help. They do not. They simply add to someone’s suffering.

Never gasp when someone is honest about a situation. Your gasp is only heaping on shame. Finally, never one-up someone by says, “You think that is bad…” You are only shifting your attention to yourself. None of us ever intentionally means to hurt people, but if you don’t have the gift of mercy, you probably need to take inventory of your response when someone is hurting.

If no one ever shares their pain with you, it may be because of your responses in the past. We are all called to express mercy. For people like me and maybe you, we just need to work on it a bit and the Holy Spirit will gently help us improve.

#innerwork #innerhealing #compassion